Article 12: Seven (7) Ways To Win At Strengthing Relationships

In this month's blog, I outline 7 ways leaders can win at the third phase of leadership, Strengthening Relationships. In the previous blog, I discussed how you can fail at phase 3 of leadership. Now, let's focus on how you can win. Remember, Strengthening Relationships is the decisive point in any leader's journey. If you fail to connect personally with your team, you will fail to inspire. Leadership, at its core, is to provide purpose, direction, and motivation. To achieve this, you must inspire! Each position you hold is unique. There will never be a perfect opportunity to connect personally with each team member. However, be intentional with your time and understand that results are demanded. Your job is to continue building authentic relationships while challenging your team to produce results. Here are seven ways you can win in phase 3, Strengthening Relationships.

You are not a leader in the eyes of your team until they see you as the leader first.

-Joshua K. McMillion

Understand Yourself

Before connecting with others, you must master yourself. Part of connecting authentically with your organization starts with you. Leaders must have a deep connection to themselves. Take the time to answer some of these questions before building relationships. What type of leader will you choose to be? What do you value most in life? What values do you want to be replicated within your organization? Before you ever sit down with a team member, understand yourself first. Two ways I have begun to master myself are, first, creating deliberate thinking time. Quiet reflection on powerful questions has allowed me to reflect deeper on who I choose to be in this world. Second, seek constructive candor from others you have worked with. Receiving feedback from people who may not like you is powerful and a great way to see behind the curtain. Identifying dead space is where leaders learn to grow. What does your enemy think about you?

Remove The Door

Every military organization I have been a part of has leaders that use the phrase "open-door policy." There's a saying, "garbage in, garbage out." Suppose you have a policy that encourages others to use it, and you become frustrated when someone takes you up on the offer. In that case, you are negatively influencing those values you want to be reflected in your organization. I challenge you to remove the doors from the wall. Be a sledgehammer and tear down all barriers between you and the team. To become a purposeful accountable leader (PAL), you must create a safe and open environment where team members tear down walls, not build them. Remember, leadership is not a destination. Leaders are not sitting on a mountain top requiring their team to climb each time they need feedback. Your job is to be transparent and available at all times. Remove the doors!

Throw Out The Book

We all have leaders that make decisions based on policies and textbooks. There is a time and place to follow a detailed instruction manual. However, leadership is inherently messy, and "by the book" is rarely the correct way. Do you know what separates a toxic leader who rules from authority from a transformational leader who empowers and inspires? Its intuition! It's not following bureaucratic processes or systems that tell you how to act, feel, and think. PALs must balance being proficient in their craft but be willing to throw the book out. Why do American forces do so well in conflict? Because war is chaos. In the Army, we empower our leaders to make decisions based on the present threats. The bottom line is that leadership is chaotic and messy. Sometimes, as a leader, you must throw the book out and follow your gut.

Joshua K. McMillion

Sometimes the best education a leader can have is experience.

Practice The Golden Rule

The universe is funny. I have learned that the energy you produce is the same you will receive. A fact in leadership is to treat others how you want to be treated. Plant the seeds if you're going to grow and achieve extraordinary results. If you try to reap before connecting personally with your team, there will be no harvest, and your leadership bridge will remain unfinished. It takes time to develop and strengthen relationships and earn trust. Remember, trust is earned, and it takes time. Eventually, you will have your team's trust through routine habits, accountability, and discipline. If you fail here, you have culminated in your leadership journey and harmed your reputation for years. As my old boss, Colonel Frazier, once said, be humble, work well with others, and give each day 100%. PALs treat others as they want to be treated.

Constructive Candor

An organization that can have healthy debates without infighting will overcome any challenges. In the book Radical Candor, author Kim Scott discusses how leaders can achieve candor in two ways. First, leaders need to give a damn about their people and care personally. Without authentic connections, your team is just going through the motions and afraid to give constructive criticism. As a leader, you need bold team members willing to tell you when the organization fails. Second, when confronting someone on your team, do it privately, not publicly. It's a cardinal sin for a leader to criticize someone on the team in public openly. If you do this, you are only creating an unhealthy work environment that devalues constructive candor. Develop an environment where all team members are willing to stand up and be heard when the organization is headed down the wrong path.

Adapt To Individuals

The rule of flexibility states a leader must adapt their oral and written communication skills to individuals on their team. Being a flexible communicator is critical in phase 3 of leadership. Each person on your team is unique and receives information differently. Your job as a leader is determining the best way to communicate effectively with each member. Great teams have diverse formations from all backgrounds. Diversity creates a united and robust team by channeling different ways of thinking. Your job is to communicate clearly and pull out information from your team to advance the organization forward. As a leader, you must remain flexible and adapt to individuals if you want your message clearly understood.

Albert Einstein

The measure of intelligence is the ability to change.

Create Crucible Events

Having conversations with your team members is not enough to create authentic relationships. You must think outside the box and generate team events to create discomfort, which causes growth. Military units create crucible events to prepare for deployments or major training milestones. Each milestone is a passage of rights in a way. As you progress closer to your goal, each milestone forges a deeper trust within your organization. A leader's job is to create fun and challenging events, ultimately developing a more versatile organization. Every great formation I served with used crucible events to shape how the organization thinks and solves problems. Creating crucible events can induce stress in a controlled environment and mitigate risk. The goal is to fail in these events so your team is prepared to execute when faced with real-life problems. Do not wait for something to happen. Instead, create crucible events today that challenge the team for tomorrow's problems.

Final Thoughts

Phase 3 of our leadership journey is a tipping point. Leaders will build authentic relationships by moving toward their team or leading with authority and position. To progress on your leadership journey, you must first master yourself. How will you choose to show up in this world? Once you truly understand who you decide to be, you can create meaningful relationships that stand the test of time. Always be approachable as a leader and remove the barriers between you and your team. Your goal is to create a collaborative environment where people in your organization practice disciplined disobedience. Is your team willing to stand up when the organization is headed down the wrong path? Above all, to truly create meaningful bonds, you must challenge your team by creating crucible events. These events are not designed to break your team down. They are designed to build your team up and instill the confidence needed during stressful times.

After Action Review

1. What can you do now to remove the doors?

2. How can you create an environment that allows constructive criticism?

3. In what ways can you induce stress into your team through crucible events?

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My Mission: I will end toxic leadership practices by equipping leaders with transformational leadership skills. 

Together, we will impact 1 MILLION lives!!!

Every day is a gift, don't waste yours!

Joshua K. McMillion | Founder MLC | Founder MLC

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